Some say that I have a ruby lips on a smile so sweet but some say I have a rude attitude that could knock them dead.
I could be an angel to you but I could be a devil for them. Now which is the real side? Let's figure it out.
The devil side...
♥ I could be venomous without provocation.
Sometimes I could just be so venomous without specific reason. I would criticize over someone just because that the person was such an eyesore to me. I would even do this to my best friends or family. The worst thing is I feel no guilty even that I know that my words would definitely hurt that person so much. I shall apologize here if I ever humiliated you and made you have any hard feelings towards me until now. I’m sorry and I really didn’t mean it. I am just love to be so mean. (It’s okay if you feel sick of me and you wanna leave. You should, because there’s still a point below would make you feel that I’m so heinous.)
♥ I’m totally a girlie devil.
I could still remember that I had done those absurd and ridiculous’s evil deeds since I was a little girl. For some lame reasons that I had totally forgot, I sabotaged my childhood companion which I had an argument with. I sabotaged him by treating him sandwich biscuits which I purposely topped them with the white-colored shower cream. I could still remember I was so happy when I saw he ate it. However, my happiness turned into extreme fear soon after he complained to his mother that the biscuit tasted weird. And you know what? His mother ate one biscuit with the special topping that I squeezed from the shower cream bottle. Then my mum knew about my terrible yet hilarious behavior. And I was beaten black and blue :P I am a bitch when I wanna be. I guess.
The idk-which-side...
♥ I’m anti-social freak.
I got problem on how to start a conversation with strangers. People who don’t really know me well may think that I’m arrogant, unapproachable and eccentric. When I just entered the university last year, I always stew alone in the corner of the class rather than mingle around with people. It went on until one day I missed my mathematics quiz because I missed one lecture which everyone was told about the quiz. It wouldn’t happen if I was able to make some friends as they would inform me although I missed the class. Thus I made up my mind to make more friends. I even forced myself to smile more often to show my friendliness. However I guess my plan failed. My foundation classmates got to know my name only until the end of trimester 2. They thought I was a repeater or transfer students. Some even thought that I was an international student because they claimed that I have a weird Mandarin slang, LOL!
The angelic side...
♥ I’m emotionally vulnerable, more than anyone else.
It was my dad’s birthday. I treated my family the dinner and I could see that my father’s mood was pretty good that night. After we got home, Dad suddenly grabbed my arm and brought me to the front of my younger bro. “I want both of you to shake hands and make it up. Siblings are always fighting. You may also have some bones to pick with each other, but just let bygones be bygones. Siblings don’t harbor “overnight hatred” in heart!” I felt embarrass and refused my dad at first. Eventually I obeyed my dad and I understand his intention. Right after the reconciliation, I back to my bedroom and burst into tears. Even I myself don’t really understand the reason why I cried. “Your sis really cares about you. She just doesn’t show her feeling.” I heard Mum told my younger bro before entered my bedroom. I guess I cried because my mum spoke my mind. For some uncertain reasons, my younger bro & I don’t speak to each other for these few years. However, both of us don’t hate each other. It’s just that we don’t talk to each other and my parents are worry about it. I don’t like to show the moment when I was most vulnerable, even to close friends. I seldom recount my worries and troubles to the others. I prefer to keep them in my heart.
♥ I cherish true friends, a lot.
If you have read the number 1 & 3 above then you should know why. I don’t even know how to make friend with people, never said to please someone else. Being the close friends with someone who is always that sarcastic is hard. Besides, those short fuses which I couldn’t work on them would definitely annoy people who are close to me, even to myself. I once had few true friends. However, I slowly losing them for I am not sure of the reason of it. Probably it was due to my irritating temper. We were stuck in an awkward situation when we found that our friendship began to fade away. Yes, we just let it be. After those days we never contact, I decided to make some efforts because I realised that I actually bother so much about our friendship. However I didn't make my efforts a success to save our friendship, so silently I called off the whole friendship when I had made a decision not to speak to you anymore. Maybe you girls just couldn't understand how I felt and those efforts I've made. Maybe I had really let it be too late to tell you how much you mean to me, like how we let our precious friendship slipped out our hands. Quoted: "Friendship can never come apart especially when It's straight from the heart." I've tried to retrieve the friendship, eventually I failed, then I should go on. It was a pity that we couldn't be BFFs, we were once so close, weren't us? Frankly, I’m not those types of sweet girl who would easily gain popularity among everybody, I would only need few friends who could bear with my imperfections and understand me well. And I know that I would cherish them well, too. Be good to me and I will be twice good to you.
That's all I can think for now. Till then, toodles!